littleghettoblaster

When I left MSN in April for my legally mandatory break, it was needed. The stress of the previous year+ had been wearing on me and it was starting to show. My health was getting rocky. I had a few anxiety/panicy-like attacks that never really got diagnosed/talked about. Then there’s my sciatica issue — I couldn’t go more than a couple hours at my desk before I thought I was going to die from an imploding back. I liked my job, but I had not been taking care of myself.

I spent the first bit of my time off just laying around. Reading, writing, crafting, a teeny bit of PT on my own, watching movies and tv, taking small walks. Resting. But really? Mostly I did absolutely nothing. Eventually, the nothing got to me. I was starting to get down. I rarely left the apartment. I felt kinda crappy about being broke-ish and not working or doing much else. At some point I decided to put it out to the world that I needed reasons to get out more. I even updated my Facebook status to “needs to get out more.”

Immediately, one girl I know sent me an invite to a bi-monthly event she does called Salon of Shame. I said I might go and added it to my calendar (sad but not surprising, it was sold out when I got there). Then some more friends reached out to me (by coincidence). I started talking to a few friends more often. Since Luc and I are a bit cluttered and disorganized, seeing these friends meant I had to leave the apartment. It worked. My desire to not fall into a depressive rut kept me from falling into a depressive rut. Awesome.

The downside? I’m SLAMMED! Once I got my ass in gear (and my back pain to a dealable level without drugs), I kinda went into uber-planning mode. I quit smoking. I started acupuncture. Started pitching in at my girl’s bakery. Formed my LLC. Have been emailing people every day about work-related things. Found a counselor. Went to Spokane last weekend. Planning a trip to Utah next month. I’ve got a bridal shower (Aug) and a bachelorette party (Sept) to plan. I have to decide if I’m going to my 10-year. We’re heading to the middle of the state for camping this weekend. Right after that, I’m having my own private getaway here (Ariel’s mom’s place, actually). Then, when I get back, I’ve got more stuff to do.

And I’m technically unemployed right now. Sheesh. I wonder how it’s gonna get once I start working legit.

Tags: indulge me - i do, life, work

I was in Spokane this past weekend, but I didn’t see this.

Tags: linkd

Over the past year or two I’ve gotten close again with the girls I hung out with around age 21 — not just on my efforts, by any means. They reached out to me. Then, a couple months ago, similar thing. I started hanging out with my best girlfriend from late high school and early college. I thought that was a trip, to say the least. Now, within the past 24 hours, I’ve gotten back in touch with one of my oldest girlfriends from way, way back (thanks to our high school reunion site).

I’ve noticed this trend of females in their late-20s trying to reconnect with old girlfriends. Not sure if it’s just because me and a handful of my friends have our 10-year reunions on us, or if it’s part of some sort of self-analysis. Maybe a bit of both…

Tags: indulge me - i do

I got into a screaming match with a dude on a bike yesterday.

Usually not my M.O., but this guy was a jerk. The funniest thing is that, as far as bikes and cars go, neither of us did anything wrong. I was actually trying to be courteous — I was in the process of edging to the left side of the lane and slowing down to give him more room when he turned at me to scream “Back off!” and “Fuck you!”

I like cyclists. I wish I could be one sometimes. Maybe I’ll get back into riding enough that I will. But for now I just admire them as I walk down the sidewalk, or as I drive down the street when I’m stuck behind a wheel. At the core of things, I think they are making a smarter choice than me when I’m driving. I know they can’t all sense this in me, but they should.

Anyway, looking back at yesterday, I remember that the two cars in front of me are why the asshole on the bike was sandwiched between moving cars and non-moving cars. They were being dicks and he assumed I was about to be one, too. BUT I WASN’T. And I’ve ridden bikes in the city, man — if you’re stressing that hard about the traffic, get on the damn sidewalk. (I double-checked. It’s not illegal.) But this guy? No, this guy even pulled the “share the road” card — which would be fair IF I HADN’T ALREADY BEEN TRYING TO DO THAT. I told him it goes both ways.

He actually threatened to kill me at one point in his madness, so I thought about going for a walk today and seeing if he’s riding around so I can get his name (or at least a better description) and file a report. Just to be a bitch. I probably won’t.

And I’m still not smoking.

How am I, you ask?

Broken Cure
Originally uploaded by happy_helling

This is someone else’s pic I came across. I’ve decided to take the title to mean that smoking is a broken cure because it isn’t a cure at all.

Tags: pix, smoking

Either they just made it accessible, or I just stumbled across it, but here’s the link to the blog I’m keeping over on that EX site (Luc will be disappointed to see how not search-friendly their URLs get at the end). The overall members’ page I linked to before has too much uninteresting ish on it. Now, you can go directly to reading my crazies when you get bored. You’re welcome.

Tags: smoking, writing

I really, really liked WALL-E. Way, way better than Ratatouille; very, very different from Persepolis (the last 2 animated flix I saw).

Tags: flix

If you want to watch my craziness as I try to quit smoking, go look at my Become An Ex profile (thanks, Miss Wakefield, for showing me that site!).

Tags: smoking

Probably because I was a secret nerd, I’ve researched every drug I’ve ever taken*. The recreational ones, the prescribed ones, the OTC ones. I wanted to know what was going to happen in my brain (and body, I guess) before deciding if I want said chemical reaction to take place inside my skull. That sounds really dramatic, like the chemicals in the drugs are going to fizz and pop and explode on contact with my gray matter. But it only feels that way when you’re on drugs because of the teeny tiny (but sometimes numerous) changes going on in your head. They’re microscopic, these changes the drugs cause. And, the reason different drugs give you different highs is because they act on your brain in different ways due to each unique chemical makeup. Most people probably know that.

I’m obsessing over Nicotine at the moment. What does Nic do? Nic a) makes you feel good by hitting up specific feel-good receptors in the brain; and b) talks your body into making more of these specific feel-good receptors for it. Selfish asshole. All so you can ingest more. And you will, because your brains’ feel-good receptors are there to recept something — that is, they want you to ingest the Nic and fill them up, they need you to (that’s what makes it addiction).

So, I’ve got bags of candy, chocolate, a 30-day herbal cleanse that’s similar to what I tried last time (4 or 5 years back), lotsa water and green tea, and an appointment tomorrow eve with that community acupuncture place Bailee told me about. Oh, and a fantastic man who is also quitting (I say he was never a real smoker, but I’m sure it’s taking some effort). Most of all though, he’s being my main support — and figuring out what that takes because gods knows I haven’t been able to tell him.

*OK, a few got into my system before I knew much about the parts they played in affecting my neurological system: caffeine, nicotine, alcohol.

Tags: acupuncture, health, smoking